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Cappan Hooker
Ahharrgghhhh me hearties.....
It be aye...
Pirate Large......
Now one of moi sister ships commanded by the bootiful cappan Hooker, as
reported the following.....
"intercom crackles"
Ahaaarrgghh there large...it be aye cappan Hooker of the ship Largish
reporting to yee the following...
On stardate 205.33.2 we wen in against the HLQ vessel Sunset King (33893),
it be huge, an you knows large I likes em Big, but this be 200 Xlight hulls
aye she be.
Now me an moi female crew smashed the hulls and gained entry to thee ship
quite easily and rushed towards the defendin crew, all men they be which was
good news for me lasses, I wen upto the first defender an managed to take a
firm hold of is weapon an pulled it ard I did, it went off in moi hands it
did, an is body squirted some liquid all o' me, he then fell to the floor
aye.....he ad fainted wiv a smile on his face though...garrr...
We managed to keep all the crew alives to makes sure us females on this ship
as some sex slaves of our own, our sex lives be good, but quite a few of us
likes sausage, an we get fed up with kebab, if yee knows what I means...
I can report cappan, that our crew compliment as forwarded you the piccy's
of us ready for your information portal, these will be ready for upload in
the next few days....i would then likes a list of all those that writes in
askin to be boarded to be forwarded to me address.ahaarrgghhh....
See yee large later.....
"intercom crackles"
Garrr. well done to me lass....i as been having time off going to see me old
man at the retirement ome, he was there wiv his mate...I said, hi pops, hows
it going,
He said "Son, im really startin to feel me age, me head hurts, me back
hurts, me legs ache, an I feels totally knackered...gar..."
When his mate pipes up, "well funny you should say that, I feel the
opposite, I be just like a new born baby....."
I says "really, hows that then"
"well Ive got no hair, no teeth, and ive just shit me
self....ahahaarrggghh..."
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the
pirate ship Large (and friends) ahharrggghhhh....
My Diary, Molly Smith, aged 26 and a half
Stardate 204.36.1
I dunno', life is so boring. When I were a lass I used to dream of a bright
future in the stars.and here I am, in the Dewiek and Duck Pub as
barmaid/toilet cleaner. That bright future seems a far distance from here at
Rubis. If I'm not having to slap frisky humans for taking liberties, or
having to rub Dewiek noses in their mess, I seem to be having to clear up
Flagritz ooze as they slither around the bar thinking they're the True One's
Gift to the Universe.
Stardate 204.48.2
I wish those bloody Falconians would stop bringing their kids into the pub.
I mean.a "family atmosphere" is all very well, but theres only so much you
can put up with cleaning up after they regurgitate all their food
everywhere.
Stardate 205.10.2
Well.I appear to have had a bit of a career change. There I was mopping up
crap , when this fella approaches me. Dead dashing he was, called himself
'Large'..I said 'oh yeah - that's what they all say'. .he just gave me a
dashing smile, and a good rogering in toilet. Good job I'd cleaned up the
Wimble crap half hour earlier, otherwise it'd have been a real dampener.so
to speak. I was really impressed with him anyhow, 'cos he had this massive
wooden peg..sent me all a flutter.
Anyhow, there I was having the best two and half minutes of me life when he
says.."I can see you're good with me wooden peg, and I likes a good scrubber
- forget this life and come with me for a life of adventure 'n frolics".
Well I thought..it's got to beat this humdrum life.so I'm off - MY DESTINY
AWAITS!
Stardate 205.10.4
Mopped floors. Cooked for hundreds. Served Grog. Cleaned toilets.hmmmm
Stardate 205.20.2
Well..I've had enough of mopping and cooking, so I approached Large and
asked for a transfer to another ship. He said he knew a chap who'd look
after me. So I'm transferring to the Knotted Heart - and I can once again
get my life back on track and look forward to the future!
Stardate 205.20.3
Mopped floors. Cooked for hundreds. Served Grog. Cleaned toilets.did get a
good rogering from the crew though as my 'initiation ceremony'
Stardate 205.28.1
Well, there I was cleaning the Evacupooper T, when all of a sudden there was
a commotion..now normally that means a load of mess to clean up, but this
time it was a ship sighting the DTR Angel Face. The boys on the Heart seem
quite excited..I think I might get some tonight.
Stardate 205.28.2
Oooh it was all action stations today. The Captain comes up to me and says
'Molly, I've seen how you handle some of the boys - you're joining the
boarding party'..well I was flabbergasted, I'd not done that kind of thing
before. Anyhow, I came from me bunk only to see everyone else had a
cutlass.well I didn't think to pack mine when we shipped out, so I had to
grab me 'Black Mamba'.I got a few looks, but I couln't go empty hand could
I?
Anyhow.it was quite tense as we waited at the hatch. The Knotted Heart made
all kinds of creaking noises as it closed in on and finally caught the Angel
Face. And then it was all a bit frantic A few explosive charges, and we're
steaming into the Caravel and charging the defenders. I saw "Lefty"
Jones snuff it. Now I didn't think I was sentimental, but he was a good
shag, and thats a criminal waste. Anyhow.I kind of saw a bit of a red mist
and much of what happened was a blur to me. It was only after when I was
talking to "No Good" Pete that it turns out that I went on the warpath and
clobbered someone with me Black Mamba. He got the full 12 inches and it
apparently made such a mess of his head that it caused half the Detinus
peeps to chuck up. They gave up not long after. The Captain was dead proud
of me.gave me the order of the Parrot, and said I could have the pick of the
prisoners. He seemed very pleased with the bounty we took, although rumour
is that it isn't grog. Anyhow, must go.I've got a couple of prisoners to get
through
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the
pirate ship Large (and friends) ahharrggghhhh....
STARDATE 205.27.4
Ahharrgghhh me hearties......
It be aye.....
Pirate Large.....
It be stardate 205.27.4 when me look outs spotted the DNA vessel
Thunder-Beings (2431), ahharrgghhh cappan, it be a 125 normal hulled
freighter to the aft, ooohhh, pirates be ready I say, we be goin in for the
big stuff ahharrgghh.....
168 souls on board there be, some Naplian, some Felini, and the skull
splittin begins...our boys were doin well, but we was losin men against an
unusually large contingent, but they be unawares of the dastardly tricks of
us pirates, and the brutality, an after 3 rounds of bludgeoning they gives
up....ahhhaarrrggghhh she be mine.
148 prisoners there be, plenty of holes for thee, an me crew...some fresh
meat waitin for me to get me teef into, an I means it, not only was I
shaggin some o them, but they be bloody tasty as well, mmm...feline kebabs,
stick a skewer up their arses, and roast em on the BBQ, with a naplian Balls
side dish...it be on page 136 of the goddess of cooking her self, Nigela
Lawson....ahhharrgghhh............... would I like to split her lips.....
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the
pirate ship Large (and friends) ahharrggghhhh..
Stardate 205.26.1
.Ahhhaaarrrggghh me hearties...............
it be aye..........
Pirate Large............
it be stardate 205.26.1 when me lookout spotted an AFT ship in Solo, the
Silver Dawn (4499) 100 light hulled she be.......pull anchor.....and fire
the engines, we be goin in.....garrr....
there be some vet marines on board thee ship for a change, but after a
couple o rounds, they gave up, and the ship be mine ahharrrgghhh. all thy
crew survived, an i reckons they gaves in, as the rumours that i roger
everything goin, seems to have put a glint in their eyes..ahharrgghh.
now i as anuver one archie angel, add that one to my tally, i myself turned
up again in your own system, but you not be there.....ahaaarrgghhh.
no cappan on board this un, so i thinks they be afraid to fly their own
ships............
one o my pirates little uns, wen trick or treatin, he be wiv a speech
impedemant an canee get all is words out right, he goes to the first house,
an knocks on the door, an the man says "oh i see you come dressed as a
pirate, but wheres your bucaneers?" and the lad says "on the side of my
Buckin head!" ahaargghhh......
OOC
(sorry about this im running out of jokes material :O) )
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the
Pirate ship Large (and freinds) Ahhaarrgghhh..........
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