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MOH Freighter taken
Ahharrgghhhh me hearties………….
It be aye………
Pirate Large…………..
It be stardate 206.24.5 when I wens back into yank again, when me look outs says, cappan small MOH freighter loiterin in the Alpha quad. Ahharghh, it be a baby, but I dun discriminate aye.
Me boys readied their cutlass, an we caught up wiv the ship, opened the hatches an stormed aboard, garrr, I loves these MOH gals, the smell o cattle shit hits yee when you gets on board. An the crew seemed just too nice to do much killin, infact they looked like they wanted some luvin, and gives in wivout out me havin to kill anyone at all. They saws that Large himself as graced them wiv his presence, and the gals soon loosened their knicker elastic when I whips out me General………….
Aye well I tooks them all on board me ships and gets out o yank, and spend a fews days porking me sausage wiv the birds, these helfy livin types be good in the hay. And I treat them all nice. No cargo on board which be a bit of a downer, but hey its another ship aye it be.
I don’t know if yee remembers me telling yee stories abouts me crew, but I though id pass on this ditee likes o one o me crewman.
One day, Stinky Pete complained to me, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." I said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the health complex that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs £10.00.
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the complex. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the £10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labour. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the Hospital complex, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the £10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
Ahharrgghhh……..
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the pirate ship Large (and friends) ahharrggghhhh……….
Carnage in Yank
Ahharrgghhhh me hearties………….
It be aye………
Pirate Large…………..
Carnage in Yank.
Well we as been in action an is ere to reports that the IND ship Judith Durham was boarded by me boys on stardate 206.22.5, it be the same day that the AFT whalloped one o me boarders in yank, so we wons one and lost one that day. But on stardate 206.23.1 the AFT trys to retake the Judith. Me boys as never had to stop a boarding action before an was excited. They readied them selves at the atch, as 540 marines trys to get into the ship. The hackin n slashin gets underway, as we was cutting them down before they gets frew. Well all the boarding actions were repelled an we gots the ship out,
In the battle aye we lost over 80 men defending our new capture, but the AFT well they not be used to dying in such large numbers, an it is felt that 180+ o the marines died in the hatchway. They now knows how tough it be 180+ when yee gets involved in attacks.
Well we gots the Judith out as I says, an tooks the 3 living prisoners backs to base, to get our moneys worf.
Well I alongside with big bill, started shaggin the birds like, an bill says do you know I can make a bird pregnant just by lookin at em.
I says look Bill, yee knows I is the man for the job as I has a large sperm count, and I shot me load into this gels mouth.
He looks at me an says, how do you know that?
I says, well look at this gal, she be chewing before she swallows…………….
Ahhharrgghhh.
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the pirate ship Large (and friends) ahharrggghhhh……….
Wind of Dawn taken
Ahharrgghhhh me hearties………….
It be aye………
Pirate Large…………..
Well me boys as been in action again, a few stories to tell yee,
Firs off, me new setup in the Twinkle region gets off to a good start, as me vessels interecepted the AFT ship Wind of Dawn (3911), a 100 huller she be an no match for thee. Well nearly actually cos the new cappan on that ship forgot to put the other troops on his boarding party aye the pillock, an that meant only a few troops wen in, still we gots there in the end and took anuvver cappan prisoner. His name be Toshio, and he can tossio alright, he be as gay as a meatball, an luckily for him, half the crew on that ship be bum bandits.
On the same day the CIA ship Yasuki Pride (95897) was spotted, and me boys wen in for the kill, marines an crew there be on board that ship, an we foughts our way in an killed 14 o the crewmen. In a short boarding action me boys toooks the ship, garrr……it be good to be a pirate
Larde dar, dumde dum, great to be a pirate, lar de dar.
Cappan, there be ships in Yank 206.22.5, that be today cappan, ok send crabs from the new pirate ship we tooks off the FGZ, to board that one, and send todger to get the other, they be closest.
Lar de Dar, Dum de dum………..
Cappan reports are coming in, Todger done it, hes inside the gal now finishin his duties as a pirate, garrr… good stuff………
Lar de dar, dum de dum……………
Cappan, cappan, reports coming in, looks likes we as lost the fost un, the X-P’Rogu, she be destroyed, Garrrr…….fook……….oh well it ad to happen, reports to follow soon sir, when we gets the reports, I will put the updates on the communications portal this ere evening…………she be a small 50 hulled boarding ship, looks like the AFT might have their first kill…………ope it aint that archie bloke, hell be braggin all week end.
Anyways in memories o me mate Crabs, he had a son an I fort id tell yee a story he once told one o his sons.
Crabs and his son were talking about sex.
The son asked Crabs, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
Then Crabs said to him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
Crabs said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
Well that be what one looks like
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
Crabs replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
Ahhhaarrgghhhh……………………..
Anyways im sure you will hear more from the glorious adventures of the pirate ship Large (and friends) ahharrggghhhh……….
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